I feel like there is so much to do get done. And in my supervisors own words "I expect you to hit the ground running", I feel like I've hit the ground alright. Hit the ground flat on my ass. I don't know what the problem is. I've found my self setting at my desk several times, just staring at my computer thinking "What do I do?". Sure, this is the time that is preached about during orientation. This is the time they warn you about, this is when they say "Talk to a supervisor, even your AmeriCorps director...don't let it continue."But it's not that I don't have anything to do, there is just so much I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to get started. Ugg....it's like I think "Ok this needs to be done today, but OH, this should be done now, and...gosh I need to make this call today to get results by next month..." This stuff is simple, I was doing it last year no sweat. But it's that extra burden of "High expectations and fear of failure" that is weighting so heavy on my shoulders I can't seem to focus!
I need to get over this. I'm only 4 days into my host site. They have to expect I need a few days to get caught up. Right?
I don't know. And then to make things worse the organization has a huge fund raiser every year that happens this Saturday. I've been helping with that every morning (8-noon) for the last 3 days.
I hope I don't appear this spazzed to others.
I'm just so worried, paranoid, scared I'm not going to pull off another year, that I won't get it right, that they'll find out I just "pretend" to have everything under control but in reality...I'm always just barely "getting things done"."
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