Day 111: Year is Moving Too Fast!

As happens with most things during a year of AmeriCorps, this blog has taken a back seat. As my host site has demanded more of my time as well as mental and emotional energy...my bitterness and disdain for the actual "AmeriCorps" part of my "AmeriCorps Year" has flickered to an almost extinguished pile of embers. What else can I say?

I think also that I've grown a bit from last year. I'm able to handle the "Adrama" more wisely this year. That is to say, I've learned how to stay out of it! Lol. Not that a few haven't tried to drag me in to it, but I know from first hand experience how draining it all is to be a part of, and I'll do anything including polarizing other members because I refuse to drink the koolaid.

The director continues to play her games with me and cbear (cherry). Over Thanks Giving she went to the person in charge of volunteers for my host site and asked if she could put in a couple extra hours. And then she did. During her host site visit the director told her she didn't want her volunteering at all at my host site anymore.....even though it had absolutely nothing to do with me or any of the volunteer opportunities I offer to the entire team! Eh...it's funny, she's going to such great lengths to try and distance me and my sister.


I found out that my Arts & Crafts class is more popular then the Parks and Recreation art class. It made me feel slightly successful. Is that bad? I advertise their class in my activity calendar as well as mine however..maybe I could help them boost their attendance as well?

Oh, and I broke my big toe about 3 hours ago:D It hurts!! This was a real quick update, hope to have a better one chalk full of much more interesting info and less introspective mush...but it really depends:)

Questions??? Anyone interested in joining AmeriCorps? LOL!!

Day 29: After Call in Before Cispus

Didn't go to work yesterday. More on that later.


Went today. Was sick to my stomach about the ramifications of missing yesterday although of all the days to miss....yesterday was perfect as I had no appointments.

Today I met with my supervisor for the first time. Got a lot of direction. Did some conflict resolution. More on that later as well.

The thing is, is Cispus is tomorrow. It's kind of like hell in the forest. Physically and emotionally draining. It's a team bonding thing. I'm contractually bound to go.

I will not put the harnesses on this year. And there is no way with my back I'm going to be pulling people up trees and poll this year. I was a good sport through it last year. Not gonna be that way this year.

Full update on the day tomorrow. Have to be up in 6 hour to get ready for the day so I want to get as much sleep as possible.

Have I mentioned I'm dreading this?

Uggg....12 hours!! How am I going to get through 12 hours of this?

I feel sick:(

Day 24: A rock and a Hard Place.

At the hospital. Using my phone to blog. They are doing a risky procedure on her right now. The odds are not in her favor.

Crap......I can't believe I'm going to this fundraiser instead of staying with her. I have to though....Cherry and I both. There is no one to take our places.

Crap!!

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Day 23: First Team Meeting!!

A very Off day.

First of all let me start off by saying 12 crazy Chernobyl sized crickets entered my room last night as dinner guests for my new leopard gecko "Willow". They are LOUD. Horribly, obnoxiously LOUD! Willows terrarium light timer kept going off last night (her habitat is in my room), so my bedroom kept lighting up at seemingly random times all night long. Worried about having my fan on with my window open for Willows cold blooded sake….my room was HOT. So every few hours I got a chance to glance at my alarm clock. Surprisingly I had adopted the uncanny ability to do so with precise hour to hour timing!

I woke up tired at 5:07am.

Cherry didn't have to be to work until 8:30, instead of 8:00am. We have officially tapped out our $$ until next payday as well, which meant we didn't need to leave a half an hour early to hit up the Express Espresso.

Have I mentioned that my service site is not only the grantee of my AmeriCorps team grant now, but also physically houses it? For this reason it is more reasonable for Cherry to take the car team meeting days. After all I have but to walk down the hall to get to the meeting. Fridays are team meeting days. Every 3rd Friday of the month is a 3 hour team meeting. This is a huge change from the last 10 years of AmeriCorps wherein team meetings have always been held on Thursdays and a 3 hour one was unheard of.

Having my car where ever I may be whether at work or play is a security measure for me. I feel trapped and at a disadvantage when I don't have my car. It's something I have to work through. So at 8:15am Cherry dropped me off to work and I didn't see her again until noon.

All morning until team meeting our team leader Mr. Gray worked on preparing an amazing lunch for us! Brazed Beef, fresh fruit salad, sautéed peppers and onion and horse radish sauce made from scratch. The pub buns were even warmed!!! I have to say, he's an amazing leader. My respect for him runs deep. And not just because of the delicious lunch;)

Well, about a half an hour into the meeting Cherry gets the call that Grandma Jane is in the ambulance heading for the hospital. She takes a minute to fill me in on her way back in to the room. We get admonished with a "Your side conversation is really distracting" from our Director. This kind of infuriates me at the moment. 1)My emotions are running pretty high. 2) We NEVER SIDE TALK!! It's one of my biggest pet peeves, and so even when Cherry has tried to do it with me I either ignore or discourage through gesture. So this one time I actively engage in it (while many others do it consistently...albeit not on this years team so far)...and she targets us. Well, it felt wrong. But I do agree, we could have handled the situation better by leaving the room. And her admonishment wasn't particularly harsh.

After team meeting we decide Cherry has more flexibility at her service site then I do. She calls in, gets the ok and to the E.R. Meanwhile, after reading the orientation packet for the fundraiser my service site is holding tomorrow, and for which we are both volunteering...I discover we have a mandatory meeting at 3pm. Call Cherry, and she returns at a quick check in at he E.R.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. She blows off service site but not a pre event meeting. Umm…no. This isn‘t just “a“ fundraiser. This is “the“ fandraiser. More on that subject at a later date when I’m more mentally up to the challenge of being respectful, honest, politically correct…and careful about what I say!

Cherry returns back to the office about 2:50. I’m sure if our director sees her there without explanation she would have a fit. So I suggest she explain the situation. She does. She also lets the director know about the meeting, as she didn’t know about it. The AmeriCorps director got cornered volunteering for a few hours. At my service site “everybody” does extra to help out for this event. And well….and…well…her attitude to this is a hilarious tale for another time! Let me just say however, that the director from the first 10 years was called, asked for help and showed up with a gracious and exuberant attitude. I miss her.

Oh yes...and did I mention that our benevolent director was mere seconds away from losing 2 more team members? Oh yes. For not the first time...she began to go in to the "There are other people to take care of your grandma" speech! Umm...no there aren't. It's us. It's us or my grandma would be in a medicare grade nursing home and my terminal mother would be living in her freaking car. Mann....I am shaking from the emotion "that" particular nasty lecture illicits!

Moving on…we go attend the meeting which is over at 3:30pm. I am supposed to get off at 4pm. We make the joint decision (there are a lot of joint decisions) that by the time she got the hospital, she would just be turning around to come back and get me at four. She’ll l stay until four and we’ll leave together.

The office building must be immaculate. Work spaces must be clean and presentable for the office tours that take place during the event. I have a few loads that need to be taken out to the car temporarily. Cherry starts in on those for me, while I finish helping with the glasses.

Suddenly I have 2 different women who work at the office asking me why I’m still there and not with my grandma. I say “I don’t get off until 4. One says (and this one is very high up on the totem pole) “I’m sure Director would understand.” She seems a bit mortified. Lol. She really doesn’t understand the dynamics between me and my direcotr. I say “Yeah, but with the fund raiser and all, I don’t feel right about taking off.” The other women says (A fellow Americorps member) “Well, with you and Cherry being the decision makers…you need to be there.”

I don’t want to seem like a heartless bitch, and I already feel like one because I’m still at work. I’ve never been one to choose “anything over family”…but being mature, making money to support my family…well, I’ve learned simply that “When your poor you just can’t afford to always live by your preferred code of conduct and morals”. Anyhow, they win. I win by letting them win. And Cherry and I take off for the hospital.

We are there for maybe an hour when grandma gets sent up stairs. She’s admitted. Her heart is raising like crazy. Her lungs are rattling. They don’t know why. I’m not going to get into this part, it makes me emotional. It’s midnight, I’m tired and don’t feel like I can go into it. If I feel like it later I will update with a link.

We leave the hospital at 8pm. Have dinner. Go back at 9pm. She still hasn’t seen a dr. Her symptoms are only being managed. But the nurse staff are fantastic. And quite literally this is the only hospital we have ever felt comfortable leaving her “alone” at. We come home.

I spend a half an hour trying to ease my shitzus ear problems. It stinks. It’s radiating heat. It itches. I use peroxide, water and qtips with a promise of making her vet appointment as soon as I can.

Now I’m typing this up.

The fundraiser starts at 6:30pm and goes until 9:30pm. We are to be there at 5:30pm. We should be at the hospital ASAP in the morning. Mr. Gray would like extra help Sunday morning cleaning up. I really feel like we should go. But crap…I don’t want to start this no weekend B.S right off the bat. And plus there is grandma. We might, we might not. It all just depends.

Some day, when I’m not typing this up fast, at the end of the day, when I’m mentally and physically exhausted to the point of apathy…you folks will get a chance to see that I can actually write. That I don’t always sound like a chaotic, illiterate whiney bitch. But for now…that is what I’m presenting. So I suppose I will just have to be ok with your impressions;)

Day 20: Service Site Day 4 "Sore, Disorientated & Unproductive"

I feel like there is so much to do get done. And in my supervisors own words "I expect you to hit the ground running", I feel like I've hit the ground alright. Hit the ground flat on my ass. I don't know what the problem is. I've found my self setting at my desk several times, just staring at my computer thinking "What do I do?". Sure, this is the time that is preached about during orientation. This is the time they warn you about, this is when they say "Talk to a supervisor, even your AmeriCorps director...don't let it continue."

But it's not that I don't have anything to do, there is just so much I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to get started. Ugg....it's like I think "Ok this needs to be done today, but OH, this should be done now, and...gosh I need to make this call today to get results by next month..." This stuff is simple, I was doing it last year no sweat. But it's that extra burden of "High expectations and fear of failure" that is weighting so heavy on my shoulders I can't seem to focus!

I need to get over this. I'm only 4 days into my host site. They have to expect I need a few days to get caught up. Right?

I don't know. And then to make things worse the organization has a huge fund raiser every year that happens this Saturday. I've been helping with that every morning (8-noon) for the last 3 days.

I hope I don't appear this spazzed to others.

I'm just so worried, paranoid, scared I'm not going to pull off another year, that I won't get it right, that they'll find out I just "pretend" to have everything under control but in reality...I'm always just barely "getting things done"."

Day 19: Service Site Day 3 "Really Bad Day"

3rd Day at Service Site.


I was sooooo tired today. It went beyond tired. It went to the extent of almost falling asleep at the desk.

Other then helping out in the warehouse until noon, I did not feel productive. I was too tired to crawl over the hurdle of disorientation and confusion.

Wow, this was not a good day. And it was completely my fault. I will work not to let it happen again.

Day 18/19: Sunday Night/Monday Morning

At this moment all I can think is..."Crap" I have to be up in 5 hours!".

There are many worse things to experience then family drama on work nights. However, at right now I can not think of any.

Apathetic, depressed, hopeless...none of these descriptives are adequate right now.

I hope this passes in the next 5 hours.

Day 14: Service Project 1 - United Way Day of Caring

How to start this entry without just repeatedly typing "Awesome"?

Seriously had a fantastic day full of camaraderie, service, laughter and hard work.

7:45am
We showed up at the building all "Day of Caring" volunteers meet up at in the morning. Over 300+ volunteers from various non profits and local businesses registered and showed up! All of them wearing the shirts that the AmeriCorps team spent a day tie dying. They looked better on bodies then they did on the hangers.

8:15am
All volunteers head to their perspective service sites for the day. These sites consisted of many non profit organization that needed yard work, deep cleaning, painting and various other general maintenance jobs that get left undone do to little man power and time constraints. Cherry and I carpooled with two other ladies. We laughed the whole drive to our service site!

8:30am
We arrive at our service site, which happens to be a local support shelter. We spend the first 15 minutes getting organized, signing confidentiality agreements and then we are dispersed to our perspective tasks. Cherry (who is now on crutches)stays outside while I'm sent inside (typical). My task is to wash windows with 3 others. We wip through this task in about 20 minutes! So we take to deep cleaning the kitchen.

11:30am
We finished everything we could at the moment, and so I headed to our team leader for new tasks. Part of our team was tearing...peeling...chipping off foam matting that had been glued to pavement. (who does that?) So while the team leader asked us all to go that area to help...I was the only one who did. One found another tasks she liked better, the other was getting sick...Oh...and the other actually began working on cleaning the outside windows which involved a 16 foot long squeegee!

12-1pm Lunch!
Boxes were flipped over, chairs appeared at of thing air and we all ate pizza hut provided to us by the support shelter, and drank pop and water. Everybody was pretty tired at this point. Some didn't want to sit down because they weren't sure they'd be able to get up. The work we were doing was pretty physiclly demaning involving, bending, stooping, lots of upper arm strength and more.

1pm
I joined the ranks of the pavement chippers. I did that until about 2pm when my right hand had gone numb from the work and my left hand couldn't stand being hit with the hammer anymore. I would get so focused on the glue and foam I'd be watching that instead of my hand...and then after the right one began to give out...the left one began to get hit more often. It's so swollen right now! lol.

2pm
I became official garbage sack person. Holding it for those who were sweeping, taking it around and making sure all the garbage was cleaned up. Not a very fancy job, but one I saw a need for.


2:30pm
Transit back to the volunteer building. One word....laughter!

2:45pm
More chairs had been put up and "ALL" the volunteers who slowly trickled in from their service sites took a seat. The gathering crowd wasn't nearly as loud and energetic as it was a the beginning of the day. People looked worn out, dirty and sore! Yet, everyone was smiling and in good spirits. We heard some really cool service stories from the day, and then began the raffle for various items that had been donated. There was a candy bouquet, an amazing spa treatment package (donated by the local spa who closed down their business to participate in the Day of Caring Event!)toilet paper, paper towels, 100$ visa gift card and more.

There are some pretty amazing raffle items listed above...yet the one that got the most applause...that caused the most commotion was the toilet paper! It's become legendary to covet the toilet paper give away at the DoC! lol.

AmeriCorps members one the toilet paper and paper towels!! Lol


I talked to the director of the DoC project. I asked a about a service slide show at the end of the day. She said they had done that in years previous. I said I would love to help with that project next year...and she grinned, grabbed my shoulders and said "You got it! Then your the person to head it up!". lol

This day is what service is all about. Giving all you can, whether it's more or less then others doesn't matter. It's about serving to the best of your ability and knowing that your making a difference! It's renewed my heart for service. It's energized my soul and I can't wait to get this year started!!

Day 13: Final Orientation day 8

9:00am - Announcements. Our director notified us that she had a headache and her tolerance would be less flexible then normal, and that she may talk funny. General announcements including a warning that we are contractually bound to promote AmeriCorps. The point of this announcement was we are to have a signature on our email address that includes naming ourselves as an AmeriCorps member.

I tried doing this last year and could not figure it out. I looked at online guides, asked people around the office and had no luck setting it up. I use windows outlook. It was a very frustrating issue, especially since I'm very aware that it isn't that complicated. I don't know why it's so hard for me! Today when she told us we "must" do this, I became instantly anxious. I raised my hand.

Me quite nervously : I tried to sit up a signature last year and couldn't figure it out.
Director sarcastically : There is this little thing called help you can click on.
Me embarrassed : I did that, I also asked for help from several people around the office....
Director goes to say something as another member begins to say something....
Me trailing off: I guess I'm just too ignorant to get it.
Another Team member: I can help you at lunch.
Me: Thankyou.

Ok... I'm a very quiet person. I have opinions and I can get angry pretty fast, but I'm quiet about it. Before AmeriCorps this has served me well. It leashes reactions that have the possibility of being very regrettable. When I do speak up (after minutes of trying to work up the courage to do so), I'm usually 99% sure that what I'm saying is correct or adds to the content of the group discussion in some way. So in conclusion I have NEVER had anyone publicly humiliate me by calling in to question my intelligence and ability to problem solve on such a basic level as to "get help".

Yes, maybe my hasty comment/question was part of the unfiltered 1%...but I don't feel that my directors reaction was appropriate at all. It was just nasty. And if I had any doubt as to the validity of my emotion concerning this situation, the team mates who spoke up on my behalf trying to assuage my shame and offer me help confirmed that my perception of what had just happened was accurate.

Oh, at the end of the day she lectured us about editing our instant reactions to others when they offer up suggestions or questions. She said to remember that we are all different and that maybe it took that person a lot of positive self talk and courage to join the conversation.

Yes, I do realize that this sounds like I'm just wining. And maybe I am. But I felt about 2 inches tall, wanted to crawl under the table and could barely think enough to sputter out words that made since. So, to me...it is note worthy.

Tomorrow is our first service project. I'm looking forward to it.

Day 8: Orientation day 5

The day I had believed would not come, began yesterday and bleed in to today. I didn't mind orientation yesterday and even released a few sincere smiles. Today I would go so far as to say I enjoyed orientation.

This morning we finished going over the contract, went through "social Media" guidelines (rules and threats of termination would be the more appropriate title)and played a comical "name" game. Everyone seems to be getting a long so well!

One member mysteriously disappeared after the second day of orientation, and her replacement was hired today. She's very, very quiet.

During lunch Cherry and I ran to the clothing printers shop to see if we could get larger sizes in gear. This was such an unnecessary stress for both of us honestly. When we were first asked to come in and try on gear for sizing, Cherry (who is at least 2 sizes smaller then me.) tried on the largest size for which they had a sample. She could barely move her arms and zipping it up was far from an option. Well, obviously I didn't even try. This is the conversation that proceeded between me and the AmeriCorps support staff after witnessing Cherry's humiliation.

Me: Do you know what the largest size they come in is?
Support Staff: I don't know.
Me: I don't know what to do with that information.
Support Staff: You don't think a ::SIZE::: will fit?
Me: I know it won't. You don't have a list of sizes?
Support Staff: No, they didn't send one.
Me: Oh.
Support Staff: Stares at me with a perplexed and frustrated gaze.
Me: Well, I think we should save the money and just not order one. Because if it's too small I wouldn't be able to wear it and it would just be a waste.
Support Staff: Well you have to have one, your part of the team.
Me: I understand that. And I do want one. But I know how tight the budget is, and I feel like it would be a waste.
Support Staff: Well, you need to pick a size.
Me...frustrated and embarrassed: I don't know what to say. If you order it, and I can't wear it....
Support Staff: Stares
Me: I gotta go.

Today during lunch Cherry and I found out that we can get the sizes we need and even ordered black vests, and a polo that will fit me and her! I will be able to fit in with the rest of the team when we wear our polos this year. It's a nice feeling. Course, I have to pay for the polo even though had the Support Staff cared to research the available sizes (instead of telling me that the size I got was the biggest size they came in) I wouldn't have to spend my stipend money on this. O'well, at least I'll have gear that fits!

Gotta say that my feelings on this subject are still a bit sensitive. It really felt like the support staff and director were both simply unwilling to help with our situation. Whether this attitude was from simply not giving a shit or out of inconvenience...it was still hurtful. And had Cherry not had a slight emotional outburst about the situation in front of the entire team and the old director (who told her she needed to consult the new director)...I'm really not sure the current staff would have been so willing to be flexible. And I feel like I should add... I'm really quite fond of the support staff, which is why I'm more hurt then angry.

During the swear in today I reconnected with a second year member and began a positive relationship with a late first year hire.

This team has such a diverse group of individuals! I have high hopes for the team and our ability to mesh well.

Day 7: Orientation day 4

This day we started off with a small training on "The Spheres of Influence" presented by the director of our grantee. This was the second time I did this exercise, the first being last year. It's was a nice surprise to see how much my spheres have grown over the year!!

We also played the games that the second year members devised last Tuesday. The first was a game of Jeopardy, for which the questions pertained to basic facts that the whole team should know.

After Jeopardy we spent an hour introducing ourselves and explaining our service positions and duties. I was so nervous for some reason I could barely talk!! During my presentation to the board of directors for my service site (who just happen to be the board of directors of the grantee organization)....I wasn't even a quarter as nervous!

Lunch, and then we went over a "Service project idea selection exercise"After this slightly anxiety producing exercise we played the other second year team game of Charades/pictionary. I'm proud to say this highly successful game was my idea! I'm usually the "make it happen" person in the group and not the idea person, so it was a nice change for me. Plus it's always a positive experience to have your team not only listen to you...but agree with you! It's quite a treat in fact!

Our game kept the whole team engaged the entire time! Laughs and much fun ensued for the next hour or so. The game went smoothly despite one person claiming points were not added to her teams score, which was almost immediately verified as incorrect by our director who had apparently been keeping score as well.

Before the game was over I had to leave the room for some fresh air. I was getting sick from the smell of the dry erase markers. I happened to notice a group of my clients that had showed up for choir practice (a club/activity I established last year). My excitement that the program continued without me being around was such that I had to duck in and sing a quick song with them. I was met with a very warm and moving reception. It inspired me all over again.

Then....orientation was over for the day. It was a pretty good day!

There was a few interactions I had that were not pleasant. One was my fault, one was not.

Interaction 1: As agreed, Cherry and I do not set beside each other. I sat my binder down on the end of a table, as I feel less confined when I don't have people on either side of me. The Mouth immediately came in and set her binder next to me. Her social support then set beside of her and glanced over at me with a grin. Without missing a beat, and not acknowledging her presence at all (except for with the fact I was moving) grabbed my binder calmly while talking with another member and moved. She then proceeded to make loud comments and snicker. Yes...I could have stayed there, but why let myself be set up for such an upsetting day? Moving was the most viable option to a positive day.Well because of limiting seating at that moment, I ended up just being a few seats to their right and one row up.

:::sigh:::

After dealing with this and other small negative interactions all day without being able to lean on "my" social support at all...my day was going to the birds!

Interaction 2: Our director asked that we participate in an emotion "check in". For this we were to choose a fruit and describe how it pertained to our emotion at the time. I tried not to play by very quietly not offering my emotion. But she caught me. As a durian was already taken, I decided to be a....

Lemon: Approach me the right way and I'll enhance the flavor. Cut into me the wrong way and I squirt you in the eye!

Lol...I didn't quite get out the message I was trying to say which was...I can make things better or worse with my reaction to your "initial action".

Well to this (although there were plenty of other more sever emotions going on)...she acted shocked, and said "right now?" in her...."wtf"...way of saying things. It startled me, but I shelved it for the moment.

Well at the end of the day, when I was trying to hurry Cherry up because I wanted to get home fast the director made a joke at my expense and said "You almost got squirt in the eye Cherry!"

I was a bit put off and probably won't be sincere and honest about that type of thing again.

Day 6: Orientation day 3

The great AmeriCorps has eyes and ears everywhere. Including facebook. Deleting the e&e would cause more drama then not. So for now I just hide posts. But I need to just stop using facebook all together. Souly rely on this blog to deal with those feelings and content.

Looking at the orientation schedule for today we have...

Morning exercises designed to describe our "personalities and working methods" meant stigmatize and present our differences to each other.

Lunch

Team building exercise and...well who would have thunk...a warning on using social media.

I promise to update about all of this at the end of the day.

Update: Way too tired to do the orientation justice today. Will catch up tomorrow.

Day 5: Labor Day

11:20pm at night, and I'm avoiding bed as I realize as soon as I lay down I'll be waking up to another day of negative, stomach churning, spine tingling, flushed cheeks high stress. I have never worked any place that I have felt so "attacked" so frequently. I hate to admit it but The Mouth really has had an effect on my AmeriCorps experience.

I have always held to the belief that it's ok to be "quiet". That being believed doesn't have anything to do with how loud or fast you are to run to a supervisor. I've also believed that interpersonal drama lost it's status as "supervisor worthy complaints) back in...well high school.

Last year The Mouth proved me wrong. True that I know more people then not realize her for the lying, manipulative, unproductive loud mouth she is...but that does nothing to relieve the stress she will induce tomorrow. :( And I have no doubt that she will prove herself so unworthy of her new service sight she will end up serving the rest of her term at mine...again!!!

Well, time to stop obsessing over this and try to get enough sleep so that I can bite my tongue hard enough to retain my position. Lol.

Hopefully this blog will begin to reflect the positives I have experienced and will experience during my term(s) of service. But during the orientation process it will most likely serve as a sounding board.

10 days until I get back to the people I signed up for a 3rd term to serve!!

Day 4: Saturday Off

Ugg...I just got a bout of nausea suddenly.

Today I am going to Vancouver with mom and Carrie. We're doing monthly shopping and looking around for a few vests we can sew AmeriCorps logos on to. Black slacks and a black vest will make dress code too easy for the year.

When I first decided to keep up this blog, I thought I would only put AmeriCorps related content in here.

That meant no family or personal content whatsoever. However, my family conflicts with AmeriCorps so often in time constraints and emotional turbulence that a blog about my AmeriCorps term would seem shallow and strangely chaotic without personal content to explain it all.

So back to the nausea. I was listening to Itunes while getting dressed for the day. The sun "Running Up That Hill" came on. About half way through I experienced such a sudden and sharp wave of greif over grandma I had to take a moment to compose!

Off to the shopping. Uggg....I hate shopping.

Day 2: Orientation day 2

September 2nd
Orientation day 2

Today went by much faster then yesterday. I wasn't sick this morning and nursed a read bull right up until noon. I sat a the end of a table today next to Mheart. I admire her tremendously. She's such a hard worker. She's absolutely kind. She is Christian....but she's a good one.

We completed a service project for united way which included dying over 200 t-shirts for Day of Caring. The AmeriCorps team was split in two teams A and B. Carrie is A, I am B. Team A did CPR the first part of the day while Team B worked on the shirts. I ended up on a table with Y, who is an awesome lady. She is kind, encouraging, hard worker and some one I think I will grow to admire as the year goes on. I also at the table was R....an older matter of fact lady who seems nice enough. I also got to work with M...who is a returning member from last year and one of those people who are fundamentally good.

Then there was lunch. I ate a table of people but concerned myself with my oatmeal and pretty much just stayed quiet unless I was addressed. This is me, this is my personality and I'm OK with it. I wish other people would be as well. But my director came over and asked me if something was wrong. That I was being quiet and not talking to people “as we talked about”. I don't remember that talk?

Anyway I told her that I was making connections and talking to people...but doing it on an individual level. She said she understands that. So hopefully she won't say anything else to me about it. Maybe I am more outgoing when I'm with Carrie. She gives me confidence. She's safe. If I have an awkward or otherwise unpleasant social interaction she provides the same kind of support a best friends standing by your side would give. Anyway...it annoyed me. Afterward I just continued eating my oatmeal.

Then Team A members did tie dye and team B second years planned a game while team B first years did first aid. I worked on the game with the second years (or returning members). On this team was the member I have yet to come up with an appropriate acronym for...for now we shall refer to her as “the mouth”. As always she tried to take control but came against a few personalities that were just as intense and opinionated as hers....I backed them completely:D I agreed with their points but it gave me gobs of pleasure to support everyone but her. I'm an ass like that. But she's keeps it going. The B.S that took place between returning members from last year and I has dissipated. I've laughed and conversed with the other 3 already. Simply by knocking off the nasty looks and comments that keep such pseudo feuds fueled...we have all come to a professional and even positive place in our coworkers relationships. NOT SO with the Mouth!

When that was over I went back to help with tie dye which had turned in to a royal mess! Eeek..the afternoon crew did a horrible job! Like they didn't give a shit about what they were doing. It made me sad.

Looking forward to next Tuesday:)

Day 1: Orientaiton day 1

Today was spent surviving a long day of orientation. Half the team are returning members so remembering names won't be a problem. As agreed upon in the horrible contract our director instructed us to sign...Cherry (my sister) and I did not set next to each other and barely talked all day except for during lunch in which we left the building effectively forfeiting an hour of service time. Some returning members thought we were angry at each other. It was only slightly amusing.

I was so sick through out the day I pretty much slept setting up all day.

Every time I left the AmeriCorps room (which was often do to being so ill) I ran in to my service sight staff or client. AmeriCorps is housed in the same building my ss is in. I've been dreading another year of AmeriCorps. I guess I let that fear and anxiety drown out the love of my service site.

The first day of this orientation was horrible, not just because of my physical well being but because it was dull and uninteresting. There was nothing engaging about it.

It was nothing like the orientations of the past. I almost wish I hadn't experienced such a suitable and qualified director my first year as suffering through the trial and error process of a new one probably wouldn't seem to awful.

(Nasty manipulative girl for which I have yet to come up with a suitable acronym) spent her time glaring at me and talking nasty about Cherry and I. I was sick enough I didn't care enough not to glare back. Starting tomorrow I will begin to document EVERYTHING.

An amusing and validating story pertaining to the negative and aggressive work environment this girl maintains.
A woman who Cherry had worked with at her previous host site and enjoyed a positive acquaintance with made it on to the 2011-2012 team! As we were returning from lunch this woman was standing outside smoking in a group of 4 members including the acryonymless one. Cherry gets that mischievous grin on her face and says "Watch this!" She then runs up and give a hug to the new AmeriCorps member congratulating her on making it on the team. Acryonymless girl glares and then turns her back on the scene. A the end of the day, the woman Cherry congratulated approached her and said "Wow, did you know how much acronymless girl hates you?!"


I can't wait until the 15th!!