MLK Day Service Project. Officially the 1st all Team 2012 planned and executed Service Project. Our team is made up of over 30 members. The director has seen best to divide the team in to 3 different SP teams. Each team is responsible for 1 service project throughout the year. I think this is brilliant. Much different then the way it was done my first year where the whole team planned each event. I was lead on the MLK service project my first year :::shivers::: It was not the most pleasant experience, but I can honestly say that for the few on the team who stood up and took a part in helping with it...they were amazing!!!
Back to this year. My SP team chose the MLK day SP. As per what I said at the beginning of the year, I have played the smallest, most inconsequential role possible for my AmeriCorps team. Well, at one point I did speak up and sway the team from repeating an exact duplicate of the MLK service project I did my first year! Lol. It is a great idea, but not for AmeriCorps. The successful execution of such a project is beyond the scope of 'AmeriCorps members.
And yet the SP drama that happens, is still happening. And as it was happening this last Friday night I sat at the end of the table absolutely removed from it! Slightly in awe that I was not a part of it. So much in awe I laughed a bit when it was all over and my director commented on it and said...”It's nice not to be a part of it, isn't it?”. Lol. Yes, well it is.
However, I can tell just from certain things that were being said that some how....I'm going to be a part of it here soon. Uggg.....
But on to the project tomorrow. My AmeriCorps team have simply become glorified janitors. Sign up to change the community and end up changing the garbage can liner. Yup...that should be the motto.
Eeerrr....some day I need to come up with enough energy to really bang out a nice, non-cynical blog entry that explains my attitude on AmeriCorps and how it wasn't always “this way”. But for now, I'll just let anyone who reads this come to the same conclusion I probably would if I were reading this without much back story. Simply put....”What a bitch!”. Lol.
Let me state once again, my 3rd year of AmeriCorps is all about fulfilling the AmeriCorps contractual obligations completely by putting forth the most minimal effort possible while giving my host site all the enthusiasm, energy and heart that I have to give.
Show me a job worth doing. Inspire me to find something that needs built or changed...or improved. I'll do it!!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 111: Year is Moving Too Fast!
As happens with most things during a year of AmeriCorps, this blog has taken a back seat. As my host site has demanded more of my time as well as mental and emotional energy...my bitterness and disdain for the actual "AmeriCorps" part of my "AmeriCorps Year" has flickered to an almost extinguished pile of embers. What else can I say?
I think also that I've grown a bit from last year. I'm able to handle the "Adrama" more wisely this year. That is to say, I've learned how to stay out of it! Lol. Not that a few haven't tried to drag me in to it, but I know from first hand experience how draining it all is to be a part of, and I'll do anything including polarizing other members because I refuse to drink the koolaid.
The director continues to play her games with me and cbear (cherry). Over Thanks Giving she went to the person in charge of volunteers for my host site and asked if she could put in a couple extra hours. And then she did. During her host site visit the director told her she didn't want her volunteering at all at my host site anymore.....even though it had absolutely nothing to do with me or any of the volunteer opportunities I offer to the entire team! Eh...it's funny, she's going to such great lengths to try and distance me and my sister.
I found out that my Arts & Crafts class is more popular then the Parks and Recreation art class. It made me feel slightly successful. Is that bad? I advertise their class in my activity calendar as well as mine however..maybe I could help them boost their attendance as well?
Oh, and I broke my big toe about 3 hours ago:D It hurts!! This was a real quick update, hope to have a better one chalk full of much more interesting info and less introspective mush...but it really depends:)
Questions??? Anyone interested in joining AmeriCorps? LOL!!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Day 29: After Call in Before Cispus
Didn't go to work yesterday. More on that later.
Went today. Was sick to my stomach about the ramifications of missing yesterday although of all the days to miss....yesterday was perfect as I had no appointments.
Today I met with my supervisor for the first time. Got a lot of direction. Did some conflict resolution. More on that later as well.
The thing is, is Cispus is tomorrow. It's kind of like hell in the forest. Physically and emotionally draining. It's a team bonding thing. I'm contractually bound to go.
I will not put the harnesses on this year. And there is no way with my back I'm going to be pulling people up trees and poll this year. I was a good sport through it last year. Not gonna be that way this year.
Full update on the day tomorrow. Have to be up in 6 hour to get ready for the day so I want to get as much sleep as possible.
Have I mentioned I'm dreading this?
Uggg....12 hours!! How am I going to get through 12 hours of this?
I feel sick:(
Went today. Was sick to my stomach about the ramifications of missing yesterday although of all the days to miss....yesterday was perfect as I had no appointments.
Today I met with my supervisor for the first time. Got a lot of direction. Did some conflict resolution. More on that later as well.
The thing is, is Cispus is tomorrow. It's kind of like hell in the forest. Physically and emotionally draining. It's a team bonding thing. I'm contractually bound to go.
I will not put the harnesses on this year. And there is no way with my back I'm going to be pulling people up trees and poll this year. I was a good sport through it last year. Not gonna be that way this year.
Full update on the day tomorrow. Have to be up in 6 hour to get ready for the day so I want to get as much sleep as possible.
Have I mentioned I'm dreading this?
Uggg....12 hours!! How am I going to get through 12 hours of this?
I feel sick:(
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Day 24: A rock and a Hard Place.
At the hospital. Using my phone to blog. They are doing a risky procedure on her right now. The odds are not in her favor.
Crap......I can't believe I'm going to this fundraiser instead of staying with her. I have to though....Cherry and I both. There is no one to take our places.
Crap!!
Crap......I can't believe I'm going to this fundraiser instead of staying with her. I have to though....Cherry and I both. There is no one to take our places.
Crap!!
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Friday, September 23, 2011
Day 23: First Team Meeting!!
A very Off day.
First of all let me start off by saying 12 crazy Chernobyl sized crickets entered my room last night as dinner guests for my new leopard gecko "Willow". They are LOUD. Horribly, obnoxiously LOUD! Willows terrarium light timer kept going off last night (her habitat is in my room), so my bedroom kept lighting up at seemingly random times all night long. Worried about having my fan on with my window open for Willows cold blooded sake….my room was HOT. So every few hours I got a chance to glance at my alarm clock. Surprisingly I had adopted the uncanny ability to do so with precise hour to hour timing!
I woke up tired at 5:07am.
Cherry didn't have to be to work until 8:30, instead of 8:00am. We have officially tapped out our $$ until next payday as well, which meant we didn't need to leave a half an hour early to hit up the Express Espresso.
Have I mentioned that my service site is not only the grantee of my AmeriCorps team grant now, but also physically houses it? For this reason it is more reasonable for Cherry to take the car team meeting days. After all I have but to walk down the hall to get to the meeting. Fridays are team meeting days. Every 3rd Friday of the month is a 3 hour team meeting. This is a huge change from the last 10 years of AmeriCorps wherein team meetings have always been held on Thursdays and a 3 hour one was unheard of.
Having my car where ever I may be whether at work or play is a security measure for me. I feel trapped and at a disadvantage when I don't have my car. It's something I have to work through. So at 8:15am Cherry dropped me off to work and I didn't see her again until noon.
All morning until team meeting our team leader Mr. Gray worked on preparing an amazing lunch for us! Brazed Beef, fresh fruit salad, sautéed peppers and onion and horse radish sauce made from scratch. The pub buns were even warmed!!! I have to say, he's an amazing leader. My respect for him runs deep. And not just because of the delicious lunch;)
Well, about a half an hour into the meeting Cherry gets the call that Grandma Jane is in the ambulance heading for the hospital. She takes a minute to fill me in on her way back in to the room. We get admonished with a "Your side conversation is really distracting" from our Director. This kind of infuriates me at the moment. 1)My emotions are running pretty high. 2) We NEVER SIDE TALK!! It's one of my biggest pet peeves, and so even when Cherry has tried to do it with me I either ignore or discourage through gesture. So this one time I actively engage in it (while many others do it consistently...albeit not on this years team so far)...and she targets us. Well, it felt wrong. But I do agree, we could have handled the situation better by leaving the room. And her admonishment wasn't particularly harsh.
After team meeting we decide Cherry has more flexibility at her service site then I do. She calls in, gets the ok and to the E.R. Meanwhile, after reading the orientation packet for the fundraiser my service site is holding tomorrow, and for which we are both volunteering...I discover we have a mandatory meeting at 3pm. Call Cherry, and she returns at a quick check in at he E.R.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. She blows off service site but not a pre event meeting. Umm…no. This isn‘t just “a“ fundraiser. This is “the“ fandraiser. More on that subject at a later date when I’m more mentally up to the challenge of being respectful, honest, politically correct…and careful about what I say!
Cherry returns back to the office about 2:50. I’m sure if our director sees her there without explanation she would have a fit. So I suggest she explain the situation. She does. She also lets the director know about the meeting, as she didn’t know about it. The AmeriCorps director got cornered volunteering for a few hours. At my service site “everybody” does extra to help out for this event. And well….and…well…her attitude to this is a hilarious tale for another time! Let me just say however, that the director from the first 10 years was called, asked for help and showed up with a gracious and exuberant attitude. I miss her.
Oh yes...and did I mention that our benevolent director was mere seconds away from losing 2 more team members? Oh yes. For not the first time...she began to go in to the "There are other people to take care of your grandma" speech! Umm...no there aren't. It's us. It's us or my grandma would be in a medicare grade nursing home and my terminal mother would be living in her freaking car. Mann....I am shaking from the emotion "that" particular nasty lecture illicits!
Moving on…we go attend the meeting which is over at 3:30pm. I am supposed to get off at 4pm. We make the joint decision (there are a lot of joint decisions) that by the time she got the hospital, she would just be turning around to come back and get me at four. She’ll l stay until four and we’ll leave together.
The office building must be immaculate. Work spaces must be clean and presentable for the office tours that take place during the event. I have a few loads that need to be taken out to the car temporarily. Cherry starts in on those for me, while I finish helping with the glasses.
Suddenly I have 2 different women who work at the office asking me why I’m still there and not with my grandma. I say “I don’t get off until 4. One says (and this one is very high up on the totem pole) “I’m sure Director would understand.” She seems a bit mortified. Lol. She really doesn’t understand the dynamics between me and my direcotr. I say “Yeah, but with the fund raiser and all, I don’t feel right about taking off.” The other women says (A fellow Americorps member) “Well, with you and Cherry being the decision makers…you need to be there.”
I don’t want to seem like a heartless bitch, and I already feel like one because I’m still at work. I’ve never been one to choose “anything over family”…but being mature, making money to support my family…well, I’ve learned simply that “When your poor you just can’t afford to always live by your preferred code of conduct and morals”. Anyhow, they win. I win by letting them win. And Cherry and I take off for the hospital.
We are there for maybe an hour when grandma gets sent up stairs. She’s admitted. Her heart is raising like crazy. Her lungs are rattling. They don’t know why. I’m not going to get into this part, it makes me emotional. It’s midnight, I’m tired and don’t feel like I can go into it. If I feel like it later I will update with a link.
We leave the hospital at 8pm. Have dinner. Go back at 9pm. She still hasn’t seen a dr. Her symptoms are only being managed. But the nurse staff are fantastic. And quite literally this is the only hospital we have ever felt comfortable leaving her “alone” at. We come home.
I spend a half an hour trying to ease my shitzus ear problems. It stinks. It’s radiating heat. It itches. I use peroxide, water and qtips with a promise of making her vet appointment as soon as I can.
Now I’m typing this up.
The fundraiser starts at 6:30pm and goes until 9:30pm. We are to be there at 5:30pm. We should be at the hospital ASAP in the morning. Mr. Gray would like extra help Sunday morning cleaning up. I really feel like we should go. But crap…I don’t want to start this no weekend B.S right off the bat. And plus there is grandma. We might, we might not. It all just depends.
Some day, when I’m not typing this up fast, at the end of the day, when I’m mentally and physically exhausted to the point of apathy…you folks will get a chance to see that I can actually write. That I don’t always sound like a chaotic, illiterate whiney bitch. But for now…that is what I’m presenting. So I suppose I will just have to be ok with your impressions;)
First of all let me start off by saying 12 crazy Chernobyl sized crickets entered my room last night as dinner guests for my new leopard gecko "Willow". They are LOUD. Horribly, obnoxiously LOUD! Willows terrarium light timer kept going off last night (her habitat is in my room), so my bedroom kept lighting up at seemingly random times all night long. Worried about having my fan on with my window open for Willows cold blooded sake….my room was HOT. So every few hours I got a chance to glance at my alarm clock. Surprisingly I had adopted the uncanny ability to do so with precise hour to hour timing!
I woke up tired at 5:07am.
Cherry didn't have to be to work until 8:30, instead of 8:00am. We have officially tapped out our $$ until next payday as well, which meant we didn't need to leave a half an hour early to hit up the Express Espresso.
Have I mentioned that my service site is not only the grantee of my AmeriCorps team grant now, but also physically houses it? For this reason it is more reasonable for Cherry to take the car team meeting days. After all I have but to walk down the hall to get to the meeting. Fridays are team meeting days. Every 3rd Friday of the month is a 3 hour team meeting. This is a huge change from the last 10 years of AmeriCorps wherein team meetings have always been held on Thursdays and a 3 hour one was unheard of.
Having my car where ever I may be whether at work or play is a security measure for me. I feel trapped and at a disadvantage when I don't have my car. It's something I have to work through. So at 8:15am Cherry dropped me off to work and I didn't see her again until noon.
All morning until team meeting our team leader Mr. Gray worked on preparing an amazing lunch for us! Brazed Beef, fresh fruit salad, sautéed peppers and onion and horse radish sauce made from scratch. The pub buns were even warmed!!! I have to say, he's an amazing leader. My respect for him runs deep. And not just because of the delicious lunch;)
Well, about a half an hour into the meeting Cherry gets the call that Grandma Jane is in the ambulance heading for the hospital. She takes a minute to fill me in on her way back in to the room. We get admonished with a "Your side conversation is really distracting" from our Director. This kind of infuriates me at the moment. 1)My emotions are running pretty high. 2) We NEVER SIDE TALK!! It's one of my biggest pet peeves, and so even when Cherry has tried to do it with me I either ignore or discourage through gesture. So this one time I actively engage in it (while many others do it consistently...albeit not on this years team so far)...and she targets us. Well, it felt wrong. But I do agree, we could have handled the situation better by leaving the room. And her admonishment wasn't particularly harsh.
After team meeting we decide Cherry has more flexibility at her service site then I do. She calls in, gets the ok and to the E.R. Meanwhile, after reading the orientation packet for the fundraiser my service site is holding tomorrow, and for which we are both volunteering...I discover we have a mandatory meeting at 3pm. Call Cherry, and she returns at a quick check in at he E.R.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. She blows off service site but not a pre event meeting. Umm…no. This isn‘t just “a“ fundraiser. This is “the“ fandraiser. More on that subject at a later date when I’m more mentally up to the challenge of being respectful, honest, politically correct…and careful about what I say!
Cherry returns back to the office about 2:50. I’m sure if our director sees her there without explanation she would have a fit. So I suggest she explain the situation. She does. She also lets the director know about the meeting, as she didn’t know about it. The AmeriCorps director got cornered volunteering for a few hours. At my service site “everybody” does extra to help out for this event. And well….and…well…her attitude to this is a hilarious tale for another time! Let me just say however, that the director from the first 10 years was called, asked for help and showed up with a gracious and exuberant attitude. I miss her.
Oh yes...and did I mention that our benevolent director was mere seconds away from losing 2 more team members? Oh yes. For not the first time...she began to go in to the "There are other people to take care of your grandma" speech! Umm...no there aren't. It's us. It's us or my grandma would be in a medicare grade nursing home and my terminal mother would be living in her freaking car. Mann....I am shaking from the emotion "that" particular nasty lecture illicits!
Moving on…we go attend the meeting which is over at 3:30pm. I am supposed to get off at 4pm. We make the joint decision (there are a lot of joint decisions) that by the time she got the hospital, she would just be turning around to come back and get me at four. She’ll l stay until four and we’ll leave together.
The office building must be immaculate. Work spaces must be clean and presentable for the office tours that take place during the event. I have a few loads that need to be taken out to the car temporarily. Cherry starts in on those for me, while I finish helping with the glasses.
Suddenly I have 2 different women who work at the office asking me why I’m still there and not with my grandma. I say “I don’t get off until 4. One says (and this one is very high up on the totem pole) “I’m sure Director would understand.” She seems a bit mortified. Lol. She really doesn’t understand the dynamics between me and my direcotr. I say “Yeah, but with the fund raiser and all, I don’t feel right about taking off.” The other women says (A fellow Americorps member) “Well, with you and Cherry being the decision makers…you need to be there.”
I don’t want to seem like a heartless bitch, and I already feel like one because I’m still at work. I’ve never been one to choose “anything over family”…but being mature, making money to support my family…well, I’ve learned simply that “When your poor you just can’t afford to always live by your preferred code of conduct and morals”. Anyhow, they win. I win by letting them win. And Cherry and I take off for the hospital.
We are there for maybe an hour when grandma gets sent up stairs. She’s admitted. Her heart is raising like crazy. Her lungs are rattling. They don’t know why. I’m not going to get into this part, it makes me emotional. It’s midnight, I’m tired and don’t feel like I can go into it. If I feel like it later I will update with a link.
We leave the hospital at 8pm. Have dinner. Go back at 9pm. She still hasn’t seen a dr. Her symptoms are only being managed. But the nurse staff are fantastic. And quite literally this is the only hospital we have ever felt comfortable leaving her “alone” at. We come home.
I spend a half an hour trying to ease my shitzus ear problems. It stinks. It’s radiating heat. It itches. I use peroxide, water and qtips with a promise of making her vet appointment as soon as I can.
Now I’m typing this up.
The fundraiser starts at 6:30pm and goes until 9:30pm. We are to be there at 5:30pm. We should be at the hospital ASAP in the morning. Mr. Gray would like extra help Sunday morning cleaning up. I really feel like we should go. But crap…I don’t want to start this no weekend B.S right off the bat. And plus there is grandma. We might, we might not. It all just depends.
Some day, when I’m not typing this up fast, at the end of the day, when I’m mentally and physically exhausted to the point of apathy…you folks will get a chance to see that I can actually write. That I don’t always sound like a chaotic, illiterate whiney bitch. But for now…that is what I’m presenting. So I suppose I will just have to be ok with your impressions;)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Day 20: Service Site Day 4 "Sore, Disorientated & Unproductive"
I feel like there is so much to do get done. And in my supervisors own words "I expect you to hit the ground running", I feel like I've hit the ground alright. Hit the ground flat on my ass. I don't know what the problem is. I've found my self setting at my desk several times, just staring at my computer thinking "What do I do?". Sure, this is the time that is preached about during orientation. This is the time they warn you about, this is when they say "Talk to a supervisor, even your AmeriCorps director...don't let it continue."But it's not that I don't have anything to do, there is just so much I'm overwhelmed and can't seem to get started. Ugg....it's like I think "Ok this needs to be done today, but OH, this should be done now, and...gosh I need to make this call today to get results by next month..." This stuff is simple, I was doing it last year no sweat. But it's that extra burden of "High expectations and fear of failure" that is weighting so heavy on my shoulders I can't seem to focus!
I need to get over this. I'm only 4 days into my host site. They have to expect I need a few days to get caught up. Right?
I don't know. And then to make things worse the organization has a huge fund raiser every year that happens this Saturday. I've been helping with that every morning (8-noon) for the last 3 days.
I hope I don't appear this spazzed to others.
I'm just so worried, paranoid, scared I'm not going to pull off another year, that I won't get it right, that they'll find out I just "pretend" to have everything under control but in reality...I'm always just barely "getting things done"."
Monday, September 19, 2011
Day 19: Service Site Day 3 "Really Bad Day"
3rd Day at Service Site.
I was sooooo tired today. It went beyond tired. It went to the extent of almost falling asleep at the desk.
Other then helping out in the warehouse until noon, I did not feel productive. I was too tired to crawl over the hurdle of disorientation and confusion.
Wow, this was not a good day. And it was completely my fault. I will work not to let it happen again.
I was sooooo tired today. It went beyond tired. It went to the extent of almost falling asleep at the desk.
Other then helping out in the warehouse until noon, I did not feel productive. I was too tired to crawl over the hurdle of disorientation and confusion.
Wow, this was not a good day. And it was completely my fault. I will work not to let it happen again.
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